I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
