she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
