You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
