3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
