We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
