It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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