Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
