I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
