I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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