Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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