Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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