How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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