Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
