I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
