My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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