i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Semen is not good for contacts.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize