Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
