You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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