hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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