I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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