Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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