What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
