The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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