i just wanna soil my oats bro
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
