Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
