And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
