Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
