you guys were way drunker than both of me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
