is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
