Im at strip club and am horny
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
