i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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