Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I won the penis lottery.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Randomize
