At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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