I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
