As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
