I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
