Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
