I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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