did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You dont lie about slip and slides
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
