it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
