just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
