Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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