I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
