i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
