you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Success! We fucked roommates!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize