Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
