I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
