The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
