party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was confusing and full of hummus
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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