I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
