Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Randomize
