Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You've changed since you got that strap on
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
