you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
