I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
