I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
