he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What drink are we having for lunch?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Randomize