We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
