Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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