We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
