watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
