I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
