Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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