so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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