Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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