My friends, they love my intelligence
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize