i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
