Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
