I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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