We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
